Body Positive | Excitable Man

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I'm an only child. According to my dad, I was a well-behaved eater from a young age. After being weaned, I got into a rhythm of three meals a day—never missing a single one. By the time I reached the upper grades of primary school, I was already chubby. Initially, my parents didn't seem concerned, but as I grew older, they began to criticize my body constantly. Although my mom frequently told me not to care what others think and to live for myself, she conveniently forgot that message when it came to my body.

One thing I remember vividly: during all four years of college, every Chinese New Year, my dad would drive us home for the holidays. And every time, during the trip, he would crack the same jokes: "The tires can't take your weight," or "The car's tilting to your side again." Maybe he thought it was funny, some kind of harmless banter—but each time, it ruined my good mood. Even when my face clearly showed I was upset, he wouldn't stop.

I know they just wanted me to lose weight. But their approach didn't motivate me—instead, it crushed what little body confidence I had left. Living in a body that doesn't conform to society's thin ideals already means facing the world's judgment. Add family pressure on top of that? It's like fighting a war on two fronts.

This was one reason I developed such a bad personality in college and after graduation. Another reason, which I've mentioned before, is that I had always hidden the fact that I was a Bear. Since coming out last year, I've begun actively seeking bear-related content—trying to connect with others like me.

That's how I discovered an American musician named Tom Goss, who writes songs for the gay community. He's written four bear-themed songs: Bears (2013), Round in All the Right Places (2018), Nerdy Bear (2020), and Bear Soup (2025). Each song comes with a music video featuring big, soft, confident bears showing up as their authentic selves. Even Tom himself, who's more on the slim side, fully embraces and celebrates the bear community. The atmosphere of inclusion and warmth hit me hard. As I write this blog, the Bear Soup video is playing. Another of Tom's songs, Enemy of Good, includes a lyric that also stuck with me: "Perfect's the enemy of good."

I've drawn immense bear energy from Tom Goss's music—energy I couldn't find anywhere in my real life. His music has helped me gradually rebuild my self-confidence. I've also started following many bears on Instagram—not for other purposes, but to absorb the confident way they present their bodies. Their confidence is contagious, and I'm using it to build my own.

Since coming out last year, I've begun to be extroverted. I'm pushing myself to connect with people more actively and express myself with greater confidence in my body. Though I'm still far from becoming the version of myself I aspire to be, I've taken the first step—and there's no returning to who I used to be.

Just before I started writing this blog, I got off the phone with my mom. She scolded me again for wearing shorts that were "too short", saying my thighs were too thick and I should wear longer pants to cover them up. This time, I didn't shrink back or dodge the topic. I answered her directly: "I wear what I want, for myself. I like how I look—that's all that matters." And then I sat down and wrote this blog.

Actually, two weeks ago, I left a comment under Tom Goss's Enemy of Good video saying I would write a blog inspired by this lyric.

And here it is.